I really should have a portfolio of my writing. These are some things I’ve written that I’m proud of, and which you can find online.
Laneway Festival, RNA Showgrounds 2012 (Collapseboard)
I love music but hate music festivals, and I’ve been sent to cover a lot of them. This review is the most honest I’ve ever been about that.
The Go-Betweens: These Things Are Central To Me (Mess+Noise)
An interview with Robert Forster where we go through every song on The Go-Betweens’ best-of one at a time. This felt like a privilege to write.
In Defence Of Chinese Democracy (FasterLouder)
The infamous Guns N’ Roses album and why I love it.
Nickelback, Brisbane Entertainment Centre 2012 (FasterLouder)
Instead of writing contrarian “Nickelback are great” nonsense or just kicking them like everyone else does I decided to write a balanced review. They’re not good, but there are reasons people like them and I wanted to explain that. The end result was that both fans and haters were mad at me in equal measure.
Wub A Dub Dub (The Big Issue)
Explaining dubstep to old people, and young people who don’t get it.
10 Things We Learnt At Insane Clown Posse (FasterLouder)
Writing about why things you hate aren’t as bad as you think: this is my niche.
Video Game Journalism
Save Me: The Symbolism Of Silent Hill’s Save Points (Venturebeat)
This was written for The Escapist, who changed their mind and decided not to publish it. So I put it on Venturebeat and then it made the shortlist for the Game Journalism Prize. So there, The Escapist. (I never did cash the cheque they sent for the kill fee. Not on a point of honour, but because it was made out to “Judy” Macgregor.)
Alice’s Adventures In The Shivering Isles (Zed Games)
This is a game diary. I play one of the strangest games I can think of and do the whole thing as if I’m Alice, of Wonderland fame. Or maybe as if I’m Lewis Carroll and this is the third Alice book, never published for being too dark and weird.
Game Developers Doing It For Themselves (Brisbane Times)
A report on the thriving indie game designers of Brisbane from the annual Game On Symposium. Actual serious journalisms right here.
I talked to Morgan Tear about his attempts to recreate the results of experiments with people playing violent games, and tried to explain why journalism typically deals so badly with experimental results. That one year of a psych degree came in handy after all.
What If There Was A War And Nobody Came? (Brisbane Times)
Playing a massively multiplayer online game after most of those players have left — in this case Warhammer Online: Age Of Reckoning — can be a haunting and odd experience. I wanted to capture that. A surprising number of Redditors liked this. Possibly because the editor put a pic of an elf in bikini armour at the top.
Film And Television Journalism
The story of the cyclical 3D movie fad, and why the film industry keeps resurrecting it.
Television’s Greatest Moment (Brisbane Times)
“If anyone’s ever told you they’ve seen the best thing on TV, they’re wrong.”
King Of Australia (Voiceworks)
“He walked over to the stone, gripped Excalibur below the cubic zirconium and gave it a cautious tug.”
100 Comics To Read Before You Die, Or Grow Out Of Them (Rave Magazine, my old LiveJournal)
Everybody should engage on one ridiculous expansive and life-consuming project.
Grant Morrison With Gerard Way (The Brag)
An interview with two comics writers — one the author of Doom Patrol, Seven Soldiers, and The New Adventures Of Hitler, the other the former frontman of My Chemical Romance and author of The Umbrella Academy.
Finally, some tabletop roleplaying games I co-wrote or worked on supplemental material for.
Grimm, second edition (Fantasy Flight)
Children are kidnapped and whisked off to a land where fairytales are real, and everything wants to eat them.
Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay, second edition (Games Workshop)
Cults Of Freeport (Green Ronin)
A supplement for Freeport, which is a Dungeons & Dragons setting with pirates and Cthulhu-esque beasts.
Things I wrote recently:
An interview with the Kaiser Chiefs, who don’t like their last couple of albums but still think they’re the best band around.
An interview with Foy Vance, an Irish singer-songwriter who grew up in an American church that didn’t allow instruments.
A set report of OutKast’s weirdly messy reunion at Coachella, which they performed half of inside a ridiculous transparent cube.
Things I wrote recently:
An interview with We Are Scientists, in which I make them promise to review Australian food on Yelp while they’re here.
An interview with Michael Franti, who it turns out does an amazing Bono impersonation I wish you could hear.
A review of Goat Simulator, which I promise is a real video game and not an April Fool’s joke. I summed it up by saying, “It’s the mayhem part of Grand Theft Auto minus the plot, plus a likeable protagonist.”
This is what it looks like.
matthewjacksonwrites asked: Your post about St. Valentine got me thinking: What's the weirdest existing relic of a saint you know of, and/or which relic has the craziest history/legend?
Look, there are a lot of contenders for this title. By definition, relics are MAGIC SKELETONS. Sometimes underwear, or hats. They’re all at least a LITTLE weird.
I considered the Mandylion, which was a towel on which Jesus’s face appeared after the ghost of Jesus wiped his face on it because a guy was sad he couldn’t do a good job painting Jesus. I also considered the amount of Mary’s breast milk that was being passed around in the Middle Ages (a lot) (John Calvin said about the sheer volume of this relic that “Had the virgin been a cow her whole life she could never have produced such a quantity.”
But, no, man. There’s only one that can be number one.
The Holy Prepuce.
Go ahead, google “prepuce.” I’ll waiNO I CAN’T WAIT IT MEANS FORESKIN
This is Jesus’s foreskin.
According to an apocryphal infancy gospel, when Jesus was circumcised, an old woman put his foreskin in a box of oil. This box of oil was eventually what Mary of Bethany (until recently conflated with Mary Magdalene) used when she washed Jesus’s feet with her hair.
Anyway, an angel gave the foreskin to Charlemagne at the Holy Sepulchre, and Charlemagne gave the foreskin to the pope when he was crowned Holy Roman Emperor.
The pope put the relic in the reliquary in the Lateran basilica, but it was stolen during the sack of Rome in 1527. The German soldier who stole it was imprisoned in the Italian village of Calcata, and he hid the relic in his cell. The village was subsequently plagued by strange storms and a fog made of perfume until the relic was uncovered in 1557, where it was the subject of many pilgrimages.
However, there were as many as eighteen different relics that claimed to be the actual Holy Prepuce all over Europe. The arguments over who had the real foreskin of Christ got so heated that in 1900, it was made a sin punishable by excommunication to even talk about the Holy Prepuce (whoops).
The Holy Prepuce appeared in visions to several female saints. Saint Bridget of Sweden saw an angel appear to her who put the foreskin on her tongue and she experienced multiple orgasms. Saint Catherine of Siena claims that Jesus appeared to her and give her his foreskin as a wedding ring.
Here is the experience of a nun named Agnes Blannbekin:
Crying and with compassion, she began to think about the foreskin of Christ, where it may be located [after the Resurrection]. And behold, soon she felt with the greatest sweetness on her tongue a little piece of skin alike the skin in an egg, which she swallowed. After she had swallowed it, she again felt the little skin on her tongue with sweetness as before, and again she swallowed it. And this happened to her about a hundred times. And when she felt it so frequently, she was tempted to touch it with her finger. And when she wanted to do so, that little skin went down her throat on its own. And it was told to her that the foreskin was resurrected with the Lord on the day of resurrection. And so great was the sweetness of tasting that little skin that she felt in all [her] limbs and parts of the limbs a sweet transformation.
Most of the claimants to being the real Prepuce were destroyed during the Reformation or the French Revolution. The most famous, though, the Prepuce of Calcata, lasted until 1983, when it was stolen. There are doubts about whether any Holy Prepuce still exists.
My preferred theory, however, about the fate of the foreskin of Christ comes from the 17th century Vatican librarian Leo Allatius, who claimed that, like Christ himself, the foreskin of our savior had ascended to the heavens, where it was transformed into the rings of Saturn.
Think of that the next time you gaze into the night sky.
This should be the Mcguffin in the next Indiana Jones movie.reblogged from benito-cereno
reblogged from reallyreallyreallytrying
if the mcdonalds employee successfully upsizes ten people in a row it breaks the curse and they walk away free