(why do people call ordinary sex “vanilla” not “ready salted”?)

EXACTLY. Vanilla is a great flavour, it shouldn’t be lazily be used to mean plain — although I suppose I can understand it when you’re talking about sex if you’re specifically trying to say “not chocolate”, WINK-WINK.

In my grouchiness I’ve also started being bugged by the use of “pedestrian” to mean boring. What’s wrong with being a pedestrian? I walk places, it’s great. Driving is way more boring. Being stuck in traffic is a much better comparison for the sound of, say, a new Red Hot Chili Peppers album than taking a jaunty stroll to the corner store is.

Everyone can look forward to my future reviews of Coldplay albums where I try to make “ready salted” as a synonym for “dull” into a thing.